Sailor Uranus And Sailor Neptune 4
by The New Ultra Mike
Summary: The big surprise, and some ghosts come too.
1. Ghosts and Pregneancy

Note: Another part of the world famous (But not really) Gay talk show. This episode will bring a whole new edge on the show, so read it, and then of course review it.  
  
Sailor Uranus And Sailor Neptune's Gay Talk Show 4  
  
(Scene: We find once again the set of the show, SU and SS).  
  
SU: Welcome to our gay talk show! We decided to skip the crappy monlogue do to numerous viewers requests. (Audiance appluads). For reasons unknown to me, SN is still in the hospital, so we are going on a special edition to find out why?  
  
SS: That seems like a dumbass thing to do. You could frighten her so much it would put her into a coma.  
  
SU: I am the dominant one, so what I says goes, or else I kill you again. Like that time in the Super SS series, excpet no more bringing you back to life.  
  
SU: Got ya, but first shouldn't we interview some one or have sex? Like the beginnging of every show you do? Kind of like Tradition.  
  
SU: Fine. Today's subject is unknown, since no one booked anyone to come. Were just going to have to randomly pick someone out. (Haves finger throughout audiance, finally stops). How about you, guy?  
  
Guy: Why Me? I have no real life except being mentioned now, so I'm going off to Jamica. (Leaves for Jamica).  
  
SS: That didn't work out at all. I guess it's time to have lesbian sex now.  
  
SU: You're learning. But let's see if you can fufill me. (Start to have sex, but once again, is interrupted by commerical).  
  
Sma (Sailor Mars, in front of a store): Hello viewers! This is Sma, looking to be put in one of these gay talk show. Help sign a pettition and I can finallly become a full member. Will anyone here sign my petition. (Everyone yells no). I'll just have to get my own solo story. Thanks a lot, you fucking jacks! (Leaves, and note she will not be getting any new series. Scene goes back to the Gay Talk Show set).  
  
SU: Welcome back to our show. And now off we go to have sex- er, fuck-, um see SN at the Tokyo National Hospital. Ready to leave SS?  
  
SS: Not really. I still need to pack my suit case. Give me a minute. (SU counts to three).  
  
SU: You're freakin minutes up, so let's go. (Grabs SS and drags her outof studio and into the outside).  
  
SS: That was mean, you little meanie!  
  
SU: Stop being a whiny bitch. We need to get a taxi. (Screams). We nedd a freakin taxi here! (Taxi comes, and runs them over). What was that, for you little fag? I had money, and it wasn't the fake kind that monolopy has.  
  
SS: That wasn't the real taxi cab, it was an impersenator company who gives taxi cabs a bad name for reasons I don't know. It had it on the little print on the side.  
  
SU: Then we'll have to be more specific. A real taxi this time, no impersenators. I got money, the real non impersonated kind! (Taxi cab comes up). Well, about time. I was waiting two seconds.  
  
Taxi Driver: Just get in, before you puff up my dandriff and I knock your pegs down a few might. (SU and SS look confused). This is my new york accent, get use to it you bums. (They get in cab, and he starts driving). So where you heading.  
  
SS: The hospital. (Cab driver starts driving opposite ways). Don't tell me your one of those fake kinds too, you just cant trust people these days.  
  
Cab Driver: Actually, I am the messanger. I am hee to tell you that three ghosts, to eight ghosts, it is really eight ghosts, I made a whoopsie, are going to haunt you this show. Be afraid, cause they got Sesamee Street!  
  
SU: Eight ghosts? Weren't there only five? What is this a trainee program or something? And this is for more of a christmas speical, not post thanksgiving.  
  
Cab Driver: I only deliver the news, not make it, you bums. (Throws them out of cabs). I hate bums who aren't bums like you, jackof bums! (Drives off).  
  
SS: What do you think the ghosts want? Maybe my teddy bear, or my teddy bear's teddy bear, or my teddy bear's teddy bear's teddy bear, or. (SU punches her in the face). I get the point, just stop with the violence.   
  
SU: looks like we have to go and hot wheel a car. The stealing type of hot wheel, if you were thinking that. (Wallks a little ways to parking lot, and goes in it). That car should do nicley. (Points to a red dodge minivan).  
  
SS: What about that one? (Points to a ford tourist). Please don't hit me again, it was only a thought, okay? (hits her). I'm going to be glad when SN is back, I don't know how she puts up with your dumb, abusive treatment. (Steals the red minivan. SU is driving, while SS is in the other side of the front).  
  
SU: It feels good to be driving away scott free. I hate kids name of a name scott. Will someone please destroy all people named Scott? (They are destroyed). Thank you!   
  
SS: But my grandpa was named scott.  
  
SU: And he probably sucked. (Police trycicle is following them and blinking his lights). I think we have an admirerer. (Starts shooting a them). One of those lunid mad followers. What did we ever do? Was it the time that I had sex in the champegne room, with SS?  
  
SS: Now Chris Rock's gonna kick both our ass. (Police cycle starts throwing cows at them). Don't you think we should pull over? That cow launcher is getting really close. (Cow lands in car). I mean that close.  
  
SU: I am not stopping this cow because of a stupid cow. (Cow lands in front of them, they go flying off the road and lands in a street corner. car is a total wreck). I can't believe we stopped because of a stupid cow.  
  
SS: It seems latley that the deers are replacing cows of hit and runs, but are still a danger in all gay talk show works of writing. (Come out of car. Police Man revealed to be... Eric Cartman).   
  
Eric Cartman: You will respect my authorityi, or I will kickn you in the ball sack, bitches!  
  
SU: Yeah, well what did we do? It's not like we hijacked a car, hotwired it, then drove off running from the feds. At least that you would know.  
  
Cartman: I caught you going 35mph, and do you know what this town's speed limit is?  
  
SS: 55mph. It says so on the sign right next to you. (Shows speed sign right behind him, saying legal limit is 55mph, and going uner that is not a crime).  
  
Cartman: I saidrespect my auorthiti, and I mean respect it, or this will happen. (Kick SU in her man made nuts). And here's one for you. (Gets out his stick and wacks SS in the tits). I believe my work is done here. (Rides out on his tricycle).  
  
SU: That really hurt. I just got these installed last month. What is up with kiking people in the balls anyway? It's not fun or fair.  
  
SS: Same goes for whacks to the tits. Can we go back to the studio? I told you again and again this was a bad idea.  
  
SU: Don't be such a pussy, unless were having sex. Let's find some other thing to drive in and steal that. (Go off looking for something to ride in and steal. Eventually come across a skateboard). This looks like something to ride on. Just grab my butt and hang on tight.  
  
Skateboard: on't you fools realize who I am? Don't ya?  
  
SU: Ah! Freak skate board! (Skateboard hits her in the face). It's not like I was going to attack you in a way of fright or crap like that.  
  
Skateboard: I wasn't always a skateboard. I am the first ghost, out of the three... eight you will be encounturing.  
  
SS: Like the cab drivie said? Except for the part about us being bums.  
  
Skateboard: Yes, you know of the truth. I am the ghost of SP, the one who was on the first show and died because of you jacks? Remember that.  
  
SU: Kind of but you were already dead. So what are you going to do to us? Make an ironic situation where you make us crash into a dark energy wall for revenge?  
  
Skateboard: Not exactly. I am the ghost of tickiling. Prepare for the Tom Falloning* (Tom Fallon: When a person goes stupid and tickles another person with a feather on the feet while they are tied up. It will be explained on how the fad fag got started on my upcoming fic, news report with Tom Arnold). of a lifetime! (Ties them up, takes their shoes and socks off, and tickels them for a few hours. Then lets them go). Be warned. There will be seven others onn your journey, and they'll get you good to. (Dissapears).  
  
SS: That was strangley pleasurizing, but awful sick and nasty at the same time. I didn't know that skateboards tickle by rolling their wheels on you.  
  
SU: And they that gay people never learn. To the hospital! (Start running towards hospital. Halfway there they spot an adorable little dog). It must be on of those ghosts. I'll get it! (Throws dog in the middle of the street and a car runs it over). Maybe that will teach you.  
  
SS: How did you know that it was a ghost?  
  
SU: I didn't. In fact it wasn't, I just wanted to have an exuse. (A mailman runs up to them). Look, it's the second ghost!  
  
Mailman: Correct you are, foolish lesbian. Two insult for the price of one sentance, not a record, but still good.  
  
SS: Why don't you spirits ever go back to your original bodies, instead of using other people? It's not like your in diguise since you keep saying that you're a spirit.  
  
Mailman: We couldn't find the origianl bodies, since someone (Looks at SU) and her first partner but them up their ass and too kthem out).  
  
SU: But we were drunk and horny at the time, plus it was Halloween, and since the bodies had no where else to go, we gave them a temporary home.  
  
Mailman: That's why you suck bad! (Throws letters at them and gives them little scratches). Feel the horror of papercuts!  
  
SS: Are yo through being a loser, or can we go?  
  
Mailman: I haven't even said who I am. I am the ghost of SU's dad, so I'm the ghost of your dad, SU! Now you must repect me and then I will forget your punishment.  
  
SU: You're a dumb fag! And that' where I get being a lesbo from, you. (Mailman gets pissed and unleashes the ultimate torture; having to watch Pamela Lee Anderson run through a forest naked, and they can'r touch her at all. Then the mailman leaves and stops). I feel very deprived, both a bit sexually and emontionally.  
  
SS: We really should leave now. At least on the set, we can defend ourself better from these ghosts.  
  
SU: And not have sex with my first partner. I think not. (Grabs SS and drags her to the hospital. They go through the rooms looking for SN and finally find her in 123, lying in a hospital bed). There you are. Now we can have sex, and lots of it.  
  
SN: What's with her? (Points to SS). You become a pimp while I was gone?  
  
SU: I needed someone to satisfy me. And since you were out, she volunteered. No one can replace you though, your the number one shagger in my eyes! Yeah baby, yeah! Beside, she's like a town bicycle, everyone got a turn.  
  
SS: I was only experimenting! I'll kill you both for saying that. (SN Deep Submerges her head off. In hell she screams). Just kidding!  
  
SU: Now that the bitch is gone, we can go back to having sex again! And like I said before, lots and lots of it.  
  
SN: You only said lots of it, where was that other lots from? And this is a hospital, we can't do it here. Look at the sign. (Sign says "no lesbian love"). And I have a surprise for you.  
  
SU: I have no clue what it is, but it better be about sex.  
  
SN: Most definite. Remember when we had sex during the last show and I fainted. That's cause my water broke, and-  
  
SU: There was no one there to clean it up. I hate it, damn stage hands! Never doing their job, only drinking coffee and laugh when you do something wrong.  
  
SN: That's no it. I had been present for nine months, unknown to everyone except the author, and had a baby. Isn't she sweet? (Holds up baby. Looks like perfect mixture of SU and SN). I call her Susan. look at daddy, Susan! (Susan hits her in the face). A bit of a temper tantrum though.  
  
SU: I'm the father. (Feints, then gets back up, then feints again, then again gets back up). I always wanted to do a double feint. How can I be the father? Oh yeah, fact that I am a transexual freakin hermahitdite, that could explain it. Say hi to daddy Susan. (Punches her in the face). This must come from my side. Dad always hit me for being gay, until he died, then showed those images of Pamela Lee Anderson, ans I couldn't touch her. It was so freaky.  
  
SN: Is your dad a zombie guy or what?  
  
SU: I was attacked by two vicious ghostly spirits, and there is going to be 6 more. I was also attacked by loveable and bad ass character from South park Eric Cartman, for hot wiring a car. So what was your day like?  
  
SN: I had to deliever a baby. That counts as something, sine it really hurt cause Susan also kicked me in the inside over and over. I hope it's only the terrible two hours.  
  
SU: Me too. We should get back now, and take our new daughther Susan back home, to the work place they call our T.V show.  
  
SN: Even though I was spposed to be here for eight days, screw it. let's go back to the show. (Leave hospital and run far away). The food ducked, those gowns were ass wipes and they had no sex, anywhere.  
  
SU: What a horrible fate, even if it was only for a day. Let's take the bus. (Go to take bus and wait by station). Pregnency seems like such a bitch. Isn't that right Susan? (Susan is throwing sticks at rats and beavers). She's learning already.  
  
SN: It makes me so proud, I think I'll cry. (Cries a bit). Okay, that was good. Back to waiting. (They wait a bit, and finally a bus comes. They get in and start having sex, then are kicked out ten feet later). What did we do?  
  
Bus Driver: You broke that rule. (Points to sign that says no having lesbo sex). That rule. The rule you have to pay a 2000 fine for or go to jail.  
  
SU: This is an outrage! (Gets up and starts making a speech). When in this day and ae did lesbians become such a big thing? Bill Clinton's one and no one gave him any problem, so you can't push us around neither. Whose with me in a fight for freedom? (Everyone boos them and throws them off the bus). So much for freedom. Attack them SUsan! (Susan spits fire and annhilates the bus). Now that's a good girl, yes you are. (Hugs her. Audiance aws). Will someone shoot the audiance? (No one is shooting). Well, might as well have tried it then to have wondered about it all my life.  
  
SN: Now we have to get back to the show. (A horse comes out). Think this could be one of those eight ghosts?  
  
SU: have no idea. let's ask it. (Go over by horse). Are you a ghost or ain't you.  
  
Horse: Yes I am, you foolish, foolish brats! I'll spit on your grave, when you have one.  
  
SU: You won't be able to get us this time, since we have our baby Susan to protect us. Fight off the meanie Susan, and I'll give you a lollypop. (Susan crawls over to horse).  
  
Horse: Isn't that cute? A baby. (Goes to pet it, but it bites off it's nose and starts chewing on it). What is with the children today? How ome they're so damn strong? I'm leaving before I get my freakin ass bittin off. (Runs off).  
  
SU: Hooray! We're save, thanks to our daughter Susan.  
  
SN: You know what this calls for! (Start to have sex. Susan turns away, not wanting to see who life gets created, and commerical starts to play).  
  
Gay Announcer Voice: Hey kids? Do you like this show so much your begging parents everywhere to get all the merchandise, like condoms, dildos, and pencils? Well, here's a new item up for grab. The action figures! (Scene goes to action figures of SU and SN). That's right. They walk, talk, eat and even hump each other all night long! Every kid is getting one, we hope. So send all your live savings to this crappy gift idea at P.O box 3.22Ihate you, or call 1-800-7244-9576-7574- or 1- 800- Sell- Your- Soul. There are no operators since no will buy and now I will killed. So long kids! (Some guy shot his head off. Back to SN and SU having sex).  
  
SU: This feels so good, you know it's not butter.  
  
SN: I don't think we should do this in front of the baby. It might give him a frightening child drama that would be unsolveable in a few years. Or she just turned away and didn't watch. (Stop having sex and put their clothes back on. See baby looking off edge of cliff). Don't worry Susan, we'll save you! (They run over and fall off, but grab the edge at the last second). Now we need someone to save us as well.  
  
SU: We need help! We're hanging of a cliff, someone come, and please don't be a damn ghost that is trying to punish us for when we killed it on our show. (A bird comes by). Help us birdie, unless your a ghost, then please go away.  
  
Bird: I think not. Your kid may have beaten the ghost of SN's Dad, but I am the ghost of the POF, and I am going to dub you good! (SN and SU scream real loudly). Yes, and it will be a season one dub, where you will say the stupid line's ever! (Susan comes over, break's the birds wing and chucks it off the cliff). I would have done if it was't for that meddlesome baby who kicked my ass. (Falls to the ground).  
  
SN: Good thing our daughter saved us, for a third mentionable time. (Pulls them up ciff). And now a fourth. You get a special treat. (Gives her bottle. Starts sucking on it, looking real happy). Now we need to walk back to the studio.  
  
SU:Or take the helicpoter. I found the wreckage and repaired it at some unmentioned time and we can use it to get back. I parked it right over there. (Shown right next to them).  
  
SN: I didn't see it there before. It must have one of those magic helicopters. (Go inside and start flying the helicopter. They are over the set when). Look, when did hippos take up altitudes of over 1000 feet in the air?  
  
Hippo: I am the ghost of Heero, from episode two. I am going to sit on you, then shoot you with a gun cause I love guns. (Susan fires an electrical ray and fries the hippo, making it fall to the ground in death).  
  
SU: We really have to find out where she learned to do all that magical shit. (Emergency light blinks on). That electrical balst thingie shorted out the helicopter! We're going to crash. (Crash right in studio). That wasn't so bad. We even managed to land on those best boys and dolly grip guys, who took all my hot tea.  
  
SN: (Speaking to audiance) Sorry about not having a good episode, but I-  
  
Audiance: We know! Had a bay! We watched it on T.V. Look! (T.V is showing all the previous scenes of this show). Cool, heh?  
  
SU: I guess then we can wrap up this show. (Fish appears).  
  
Fish: No you can't. I am the ghost of Mario, and I come for revenge. I will torture you by flicking the lights on and off. (Flickers them on and off). I will leave now. (Leaves).  
  
SN: That was sure odd. I am going to wait for the next ghost, then whack him with this broom. (Penquin appears). Take that, and that! (Hits him with broom).  
  
SU: That was not a ghost. it was from that new artic-antartic show that is our new neighbors. Now were going to have Eskimos on our ass next show. (Polar bear smushes Penquin). Better not hit this one, SN.  
  
Polar Bear: I am the ghost of Link, and I am a ghost, not some dumb bear. I will mess with your T.V and show stuff that's X rated. (Shows SN and SU having sex). Look, lesbian love! (Changes screen to normal). Goodbye now! (Leaves).  
  
SN: These ghosts seem to be running out of ideas, almost if as they suck. (Smokey the woodchuck comes in). And what are you going to do?  
  
Smokey: I am the ghost of...uh... Bowser and I... uh... will also ficker the lights on and off. (Flickers lights on and off until they break). Oops!  
  
SU: You bitch! Now me, my love and our baby are going to kick your ass in the dark! (Start unseen chasing him).  
  
The End  
  
Note: Said it before, an I'll say it again. Make it easy and review for a sequal. I'm going to do one anyway, so just make it easy. 


	2. Editing Mistakes

Editing Mistakes- ere are some things they do in the American version to make them straight. First off, they cut out all the sex scenes. Second, they make them cousins. Then give them boyfriends, and other shit. It's all fake. They are lesbos in Japan, and anywhere else, if they show it or not. 


End file.
